Facing your Demons

     

        Everyone has demons of some form.  I think it usually happens from avoiding conflict (usually) and I'll tell you why.  This is a constant lesson which keeps showing up for me over and over and I’m still learning which puts a lot of sense into why I’ve been going through what I’ve been going through lately.  Racing thoughts, dramatic, made-up scenarios blown way out of proportion, anxiety, depression, mood swings, repetitive addictive patterns, the whole shibang has pretty much been recently occupying my life, except for now as I'm writing this.  

If a conflict isn’t properly resolved, you will end up at war with yourself, big time.  This turns into a demon that will never go away unless you face it head on.  As long as you keep avoiding that demon it will stay and keep feeding off you and it doesn’t matter for how long.  That demon could even keep staying with you right up to your death bed and probably still hang on to you into your next life if you let it.   It will never go away unless you face it.  So how am I facing mine?  What demons have I got and how did they occur?  

Here’s a bunch of random shit which may or may not have some relation:

• Being teased and bullied growing up, starting from an early age (never knowing how to stand up for myself)
• Only child from a broken home
• Often seen as an outsider through step-family dynamics and what not
• Growing up lonely and often moody
• Moving around a lot, transferring to and from many different schools
• Often picked on for not paying attention in class and daydreaming, therefore being called stupid
• Low self esteem
• Addiction (food & alcohol, & whatever)
• Poverty
• Never being able to accumulate a decent paying job or stick with a normal job for long, getting fired or quit for different reasons
• Paranoia
• Coming and going of friendships
• Escapism
• Raised in a mostly “children are to be seen and not heard” environment
• Resentment

Not to say that I’m labelling myself as a victim in any way as this is just real stuff that happened which I’m just reflecting upon with healthy detachment, believe it or not.   So how am I feeling at this very moment?  Although it may sound crazy, I’m actually feeling at peace with a higher general understanding.  It’s all just a human experience; a puzzle in which we figure out for ourselves and in the meantime, try and help others if we can. 

So what are at least some of the best ways to deal with this shit?

• Journalling (being completely honest with yourself, practicing the habit of writing all that’s on your mind)
• Meditation (I do candles, incense, music…the whole nine yards!)
• More. Self. Love! 
• Eating more healthy foods (although some splurging can’t hurt)
• Taking care of dwellings,  (cleaning, decluttering, decorating…)
• Making more time for things which bring authentic joy, whatever they are
• Baths, 
• Aromatherapy,
• Helping others when you can (without being taken advantage of)
• Knowing when to say no with assertiveness and without guilt
• Body movement
• Staying creative no matter what
• Forgiveness when you or someone fucks up and moving on with or without them.  Either way, it always takes two no matter how much we just love to blame the other person.  
• Laugh as much as possible no matter how silly it seems.  Your weird humour is not like anyone else’s.  It was meant just for you so if others get it, that’s great and if they don’t, then they have their own humour that’s meant for them and that’s cool.  
• Keeping an open eye of surroundings, observing and appreciating all things no matter how big or small, from leaves in the trees to someone wearing an outrageous outfit.
• Letting go of blame when people decide to drop you with no explanation.  But always remaining thankful for those who are still around and have your back!  Plus, when some people leave, there are always others who will come around.  I've noticed this pattern and it happens every time.  
• Letting go of the need to explain yourself
• Letting go of the concern of what other people think because most of the time, they're mostly thinking of what others may think of them!
• Music!
• And of course, coming up with enough courage to just be communicative and assertive if or when some issue arises.  I try hard to do this and it's not easy though I am aware it is way worse in our heads than when we actually get our shit together and say something.  

And the list goes on…

So to conclude this spiel, honesty is key, plain and simple.  For the record, I’m no expert and still, I’m learning how to deal with conflict which, to me is the biggest challenge as I believe it is also for many.  If someone says or does something which just grinds your gears or makes you feel uncomfortable or inferior, how do you handle it?  What’s the risk? Is there something that’s unresolved within you that’s making you feel that way?  That, my friend (or foe) is the big question.